Wednesday, July 25, 2012

TBS Tip: You're Engaged ... Now WHO Pays for What?

Congratulations you're engaged! Now ... who is supposed to pay for what?
It's the side of weddings that no one really talks about, everyone tries to keep the payment responsibilities hush-hush. It's a conversation best had at the beginning of your wedding planning process, where all parties [both your family and his] can come together and talk about what everyone is willing [or capable] of paying.
There isn't a formula for payment responsibilities, and there certainly isn't a "normal" scenario. However, there is a list of traditional responsibilities that is a great place to start the conversation.
So You're Engaged ... Now Who Pays for What?


Brides Payment Responsibilities:
- Grooms Ring
- Bridesmaid Gifts
- Groom's Gift
- Parent's Gifts
- Bridesmaid Hair & Makeup for the Day-Of
Bride's Family Payment Responsibilities:
- Wedding Invitation Suites [including Save-the-Date, Invitations, thank you cards, Menu's, Programs, etc.]
- Engagement Party
- Wedding Planner [The Bridal Solution, llc.]
- Bridal Gown and accessories
- Bridal Luncheon
- Bridesmaid Bouquets
- Ceremony & Reception Florals
- Ceremony & Reception Site and Decor
- Entertainment for Ceremony & Reception
- Food for Reception
- Photographer
- Videographer
- Wedding Cake
- Transportation
- Vendor Gratuities
- Post-Wedding Brunch
Groom's Payment Responsibilities:
- Engagement & Wedding Ring for Bride
- Bridal Bouquet
- Gift for the Bride
- Groomsmen & Usher Gifts
- Marriage License
- Officiant Fee's
- Groomsmen Boutonnieres
- Groom's Attire and accessories
- Honeymoon [includes transportation]


Groom's Family Payment Responsibilities:
- Rehearsal Dinner Food & Beverages
- Wedding Attire
- Wedding Gift
- Reception & Cocktail Hour Beverages
- Groom's Cake
- Groom's Family Out-of-Town Guests Accommodations if Needed


Attendant Payment Responsibilities:
- Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties
- Bridal Showers
- Wedding Gifts
- Their Own Wedding Day Attire

Again, these are traditional financial responsibilities, and in today's world, when it comes to planning a wedding, anything goes! If you would like more information on Who Pays for What or would like to schedule a meeting with Natalie to discuss your upcoming wedding, please email Natalie at thebridalsolution@gmail.com.

Happy Planning!
Natalie Imhoff

thebridalsolution@gmail.com
The Bridal Solution on Facebook
The Bridal Solution on Twitter

57 comments:

Anonymous said...

So antiquated! If two families are joining, shouldn't the costs be more evenly split? Or better yet, if you're adult enough to get married, be adult enough and pay for it yourself!

Heather said...

I agree. It should be evenly split. In my case my in-laws didn't pay for a dang thing. I'd rather this "antiquated" division of payment than one side getting saddled with everything.

Anonymous said...

Come on, there has to be an age limit! Some of us are ready for retirement and our kids have been living together for years…at that point, be an adult and be on your own! These rules were apprpriate when the bride lived at home until she married (in her early twenties!)

Anonymous said...

I believe this was written for the woman that lives at home until she's married (early twenties). This is the more traditional way to pay for a wedding. If two people are older and live together before they get married then they should pay for it themselves, or at least pay for part of it. I do believe when you have a daughter, it is your responsibility as the parents to save money for their wedding day. I feel bad for people who don't get any monetary support from the groom's parents, however, because that's not right at all. They should contribute.

Anonymous said...

We are in our 50's and getting married...heck who pays for what!!!! LOL....we are splitting it........
My Daddy is paying for my dress though!

Anonymous said...

Some people (unfortunately mainly brides) expect the parents to help fund apart of or a lot of the wedding and get annoyed when one half of the party don't put in as much money. Obviously parents often want to help fund the wedding, even if you don't ask, so you should be grateful for all they give. If one parent is willing to give more than the other, the other parents shouldn't be made to feel bad, you should be extremely grateful. At the end of the day if you are mature enough to get married then you should be funding your own wedding!

Anonymous said...

I'm in my early 20's and I live at home with my parents and I will until I get married. Both my fiance and I are still paying off college. I cannot afford to pay for a wedding that will make my family and my fiance's family happy. His parents aren't planning on paying for anything yet expect over 70 of their family members to be invited to the wedding. I think in this case there is no way to make people happy unless both our parents help out. I think if we were both older with amazing jobs we could afford a $20,000+ wedding but there is just no way to at the moment. Also waiting to get married isn't an option because we don't believe in living together before marriage.

Abeauty said...

If the man asks the woman for her hand in marriage, it should be expected that he and his family pay for the wedding. The brides family should not be expected to get saddled with debt because he asked to marry their daughter. If the man is emotionally ready to ask a woman, then he should be financially ready as well. The woman is already expected to plan everything.

Abeauty said...

If the man asks the woman for her hand in marriage, it should be expected that he and his family pay for the wedding. The brides family should not be expected to get saddled with debt because he asked to marry their daughter. If the man is emotionally ready to ask a woman, then he should be financially ready as well. The woman is already expected to plan everything.

Anonymous said...

Discussion is the best way to figure this out. That said, it is completely unrealistic in economic times like these for a couple to have an expensive wedding. Some weddings are more production than blessing of joining two families. If the bride's family wants to spend $20,000 Or more for the event, that is their business and their budget. The groom's family may not have the resources for that type wedding. Several of the commenters sound like spoiled little girls who want it all. If you have a job and you have been living together,pay for it yourself.

Anonymous said...

It clearly states that this is "traditional responsibility" its JUST A GUIDELINE! A place to start for people who have no clue (like me!). So thank you for giving me a place to start!

Anonymous said...

This is crazy. Im getting married and dont want anybody to help . If you wanna throw a party invite the amount of people u can afford. Also i feel bad even asking friends to buy a dress for one day and pay hotel and travel fares. Pay for your own party. Its no one elses responsability. If they offer fine but outta honesty who can really just hand thousands to other people n not miss it.

Anonymous said...

My fiance and I are 20 years old tomorrow, in college, getting married in July, and paying for over 80% of our own wedding. If we can do it, anyone can do it. I feel that, since beggars can't be choosers, I want to be financially responsible for as much of my wedding as possible, that way everything can be done exactly as I want it. I refuse to be an ungrateful bridezilla.

Anonymous said...

Obviously this is just a guideline, and I do not think it is fair to judge anyone else for their financial situations. All of these "if you're mature enough to get married you should be mature enough to pay for it" comments are obviously not being understanding of other situations. That is great if you can pay for your own wedding, but I do not think it is bad if the families help out. In my case, the wedding my parents want me to have is not feasible for me to throw, financially. They are happy to pay for it and then they can have the event they want. As long as my vision doesn't get lost in the process, everyone wins. For the record, I am 23 and a full time graduate student. I do live with my fiance, as my parents live 3 hours away and why pay two rents when you can split one? I do not think that necessarily puts us in a category of being able to pay for our own wedding.

Jessica Petrey said...

Instead of exact divisions, I think what is really important is how the entire subject is approached. My husband and I had every intention of paying for every aspect of our wedding, but my parents graciously offered to buy my dress and his family offered to host the rehearsal dinner and help with food. We accepted their generosity with gratitude. However, it would have been horribly rude and entitled of us to expect anyone to pay for our wedding, other than ourselves.

Anonymous said...

If my fiance's mother expects to invite 50 of her friends and family then yes, they will be paying for a portion of the wedding.

Danielle S. said...

What's with all of the anonymous comments? I will probably be getting married in the next few years, am in my early 20s, and I found this to be extremely helpful. People need to realize it's a guideline, and you even said in the entry that it's different for everyone! Thanks for the post.

Anonymous said...

I am honestly surprised by all the "pay for the wedding yourself" comments. I feel families often help pay for weddings because the parents' friends and family members make up a sizable part of the mandatory guest list.

Anonymous said...

I'm in my early 20s, still in school, so is my boyfriend. We will both be paying off loans for several years to come - as will my parents. We've decided that if we get married, we'll have a courthouse wedding with our immediate families in attendance. If someone else insists on a pretty princess party, they can chip in for it. :) Weddings are great, but not worth so much extra debt if you're not already loaded.

clara johnson said...

I've seen jp marriages last longer than ceremonial weddings, if you love eachother, then the recpeption you can afford is all that matters, I'm 19 and I don't expect my patents to pay for anything, if I wanna get married which I am engaged, the. I can do it on my on my own!

clara johnson said...

Sorry for all the mishaps in spelling, parents; then; on my own.

clara johnson said...

I've seen jp marriages last longer than ceremonial weddings, if you love eachother, then the recpeption you can afford is all that matters, I'm 19 and I don't expect my patents to pay for anything, if I wanna get married which I am engaged, the. I can do it on my on my own!

Anonymous said...

I think most parents (bride and grooms) want to help out as much as they can seeing as they want to invite people that the bride and groom might not invite if faced with funding the whole event themselves. Budgets should be discussed before hand and then the bride and groom should determine the type of wedding they want based their budget. Weddings are expensive and parents shouldn't be expected to pay but they should want to help, especially if their guest list is extensive.

Anonymous said...

Who said you had to do a wedding the way it is listed above. I am not following tradition. We do not need all the stuff mentioned. We are doing it our way. For example I am having two best man. So don't follow what the web site is saying. Do your wedding the way you want to. Nobody says you have to have all that crap and spend all that money. Be creative do something different.

Anonymous said...

What's wrong with getting married in early twenties?

Kathy said...

When our son got married we paid for the flowers, our guests' meal and a portion of the cost of the reception venue. The bride's family and the couple split the rest. In this day and age, with the cost of a wedding so high, everyone should pitch in if they are able. I hope when our daughter marries, the groom's family feels as we do.

Anonymous said...

This is definitely a traditional way of viewing wedding budgets. Nowadays, most brides and grooms would pay for their own wedding. Any cash gifts from family members are greatly appreciated though!

Anonymous said...

My time machine worked! Someone is posting from the 50s!

Anonymous said...

Honestly I think this is so antiquated. I feel that since two families are becoming one then both families should offer to pay for what they can afford. Or have the couple sit down and plan out what everything is going to cost and then ask parents to choose what they would like to pay for. Unless they become mom-zillas or mother-in-law-zillas and in that case the couple should pay for everything.

Anonymous said...

This may seem "Antiquidated" to young women in this day and age; however, that doesn't mean it's not still a good guide! I feel that young women today expect to receive whatever wedding they wish for without budget constraints. Unless you are paying for your entire wedding; you should be grateful for any help you received from your own parents, your fiance and your soon to be parent in laws! Too many brides today act as though they should have any wedding budget their heart desires; and everyone else should pay for it! Ha! This is a fantastic guide as to whom should pay for what. And there's nothing wrong with it in today's world either! The only thing wrong is young bride's attitudes that the world owes them something! Take a second job to pay for your extravagant wedding, if you've got your heart set on having a fairytale wedding of your dreams! And Grow up! Put on your big girl panties and be sensible!

Anonymous said...

I think its a very good split. The wedding doesn't have to be split up perfectly. The bride and her family may be paying for a good portion of the wedding, but the grooms job is to pay for the whole honeymoon. Sounds like a deal to me!

Anonymous said...

So many people have lost sight on whats most important about getting married. Its meant to be a day where you come together in front of God and your family and pledge your love for your husband/wife. Everyone wants to make it this huge party and spend thousands of dollars for what? one day, I would much rather have a small intimate wedding with close family and friends and make it a day of celebrating the rest of your life with the one you love. Not to show boat the finer things. Love is all you need! Im 23 and I have been living with my boyfriend for over 2 years now, and we have been dating for almost 6 years. My parents are more then willing to pay for our wedding one day- however not the alcohol- that would have to be our expense if we would like to have it. His parents have never talked about us getting married or paying for anything but im sure when it happens they would be more then happy to contribute. Its an important day for not only the bride/groom but also their parents and families too.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I understand how easy it is to say yes when the groom's family asks to help with the costs, but how do you inquire if they CAN help?

Anonymous said...

Sooo basically the bride side pays for everything. Hmmmm yeahhh no! It will be evenly split.

Anonymous said...

Totally agree or have a small wedding that you and your husband can afford on your own. Its 2013 and nobody can really afford anything too costly

Adrienne said...

Every wedding I have been a part of the whole family (both sides) came together and contributed. Let's face it, most people do not have the money to spend on a lavish wedding. I know I do not. But what we do have is access to a ton of fabulous DIY's. With help weddings can now be affordable, beautiful and a chance for both families to get to know each other.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps if individuals aren't able to pay for their own wedding, or at least pay for a majority of it, they shouldn't be getting married. It should never be assumed that the parents would pick up the tab for things their adult children want. In my opinion, if I am old enough and mature enough to decide to get married, I'm going to be mature enough to be responsible for paying for it with my significant other.

Anonymous said...

i am currently planning my wedding and i would be screwed if these were the expected guidelines. my dad is dead and my mom runs her own business. this list assumes every bride has a family who can afford the bulk of the budget, which is really unfair. my fiance and i are paying for the majority of the wedding, and when its real love, you don't keep a running tab of who owes what.

Anonymous said...

The grooms parents should not be responsible for paying for the wedding. This cost is covered by the brides family because they have sole control over how lavish or frugal the celebration will be based on how the bride was raised and traditions of her culture. They have her whole life to prepare and plan. The grooms family does not have the forsight and may not be prepared financially for the brides expensive tastes.

Anonymous said...

Long story short this the " traditional" way of doing things, but who really follows tradition? I believe that if you have than give. if I have enough money I will be paying for my own "lavish" wedding. But I also am blessed with having parents that have and they are more than willing to give... I also believe that true love waits and if you or your family don't have the money, wait! save and penny pinch until you are able to afford your dream wedding... After all you (should) only get to do it once!

Anonymous said...

My parents paid for our wedding but that's because my husband and would have been happy with going to a courthouse and my parents were like no we must throw this big lavish wedding. It wasn't really something we wanted but I'm thankful they did it for us .

Anonymous said...

This idea works out so well... if mommy and daddy are filthy stinkin' rich. 50/50, just how it should be.

Anonymous said...

Totally not the point.

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Anonymous said...

This practice is so dated. Unless your parents WANT to do throw you a wedding. But if you consider yourselves a modern couple... a RESPONSIBLE ADULT modern couple, then you should have your own money to pay for your own wedding and invite only those who matter. You have a budget and so do your guests. Don't expect them to pay for your wedding either. If you want their money, then you might as well charge them admission fees than call them 'guests'.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree! If they already live together and have a child and own a home., Then that's their responsibility.

Brooke K said...

Me and my fiance are in our early 20's, just starting out, with student loans, so paying for a whole wedding ourselves would be doable only if we eloped or did something very similar. However, since I'm the oldest and my fiance is an only child, both our families want a big church wedding, so I don't think it unfair to ask them to pay for something they want. I would be happy to elope, but since we are having the wedding for the family, splitting costs is the way to go. Thank you for this list! It helped me figure out things like the bridesmaids' dresses and flowers!

Anonymous said...

The problem I have with the people that are saying that parent's should go 50/50 is that it assumes both sides are in the same financial place.

My boyfriends dad makes $160,000 a year while my dad makes 50,000. It's unreasonable to think that they should both have to contribute equal amounts.

If either parent offers to help out I will be incredibly grateful regardless of how much that is. My boyfriend and I plan on going it alone and planning a beautiful wedding accordingly. All I care about is spending the rest of my life with a man I love deeply. That's enough for me.

Anonymous said...

I laughed entirely to hard at this!

Anonymous said...

Such BULL CRAP. LOL Why do you assign certain things for people ot pay for? That is NUTS. You do the adult thing and SAVE up and pay for your own damn wedding. Half these things are not even neccessary. A brunch? Like, WHAT? This is so stupid.

Anonymous said...

My oldest daughter just got married and expected her dad to pay for everything!! Even after calling off the wedding, it was rescheduled 11 months later, she thought the original budget should be her current budget for this new date. Never mind a lot of the money was not refunded and a few $1,000 was gone, she this was not her fault (he called off the wedding), and she had a little girl fit till her dad did what she wanted. I think if you're out on your own, family paying for any part of the wedding is a gift, not something that should be expected.

Anonymous said...

My youngest of two daughters is getting married later this year. The groom's family suggested that the bride/groom open a joint banking account so that members of his family can make financial contributions for the wedding. The account is growing while we, as the bride's parents, pay for the venue/food/beverages, and her gown. Her grandfather volunteered to pay for the photographer/videographer and a long-time friend of the groom wants to pay for the DJ. We are incredibly blessed for all the contributions to making this an extra special day for the bride & groom.

Anonymous said...

I'm getting married October of 2015. I'm 22, and my fiance is 23 (24 later this year). We decided to wait because I'm finishing school, and he's going to start Pharmacy school in August of this year. I come from a single parent household, in which my mom is disabled. I don't expect a single thing from either side of our families. I know that because we have made the decision to get married, it is mainly our responsibility. Our families have already decided they would all chip in to prepare the meal for the reception, and although my mom is disabled she is able to do small odd and end jobs to supplement her income, and is trying to keep doing so to set aside some money to help with my dress. Luckily, we decided to wait a little longer and can start saving more money as we go, I started saving every $5 bill I came across...might not sound like much, but when you're a waitress, you come across a lot of $5 bills in tips :) And as far as some of the items on the list...come on! Do you really need a post wedding luncheon? And I'm sorry, but I'm not paying for anyone's "out-of-town" expenses (accommodation)...if you can't attend my wedding without breaking the bank, then send your love and stay home, cause I can't afford to put you up in a room. And I've been a bridesmaid several times, and not once have any of the brides even OFFERED to pay for my hair/make-up.

Anonymous said...

First World problems lol. This is 2014 lets all agree these traditions are a bit outdated, and quite frankly...silly.

Anonymous said...

No matter what age.. you should be financially ready to pay for things before you get married. The bride's family shouldn't have to pay for most of the wedding. It should be equally split between everyone. If the bride can only afford the girls and hair and makeup, then obviously they are not financially ready to be married and should wait and save up more money.

Anonymous said...

You should just go to city hall and get it done. $75 and none of the headache.

Anonymous said...

I agree we are doing away with centuries of old tradition where the costs are somewhat split (I think it has always been uneven). Gone are the old days and now into the new. I think if you are old enough to get married you should pay for a wedding. If you are lucky enough to have parents that will offer something towards it you will be fine. Weddings have gone so overboard like the Kardashions (Can't stand them) and who can out do the other with the most lavish, costly wedding on the books. Just be humble enough to know what you realistically can afford and go from there. No one that values you as a person, will ever think you are something less if you don't spend more than you can afford.

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